No beach for you!

I’m filing this under “stupid criminals”, because of the sheer idiocy.

During the Mexican-American War, the Federal Government was required to recognize Mexican lands if the owner laid the proper paperwork claim to it. This was back in 1865.

Vinod Khosla, a billionaire, bought beachfront property in San Mateo County, and promptly kicked out the public from it.

His lobbyists and lawyers said that because the land had never really been classified as public property, the records from the 1800′s take precedent. A Superior Court Justice has ruled in favor of Khosla, but the State Legislature is working to pass something to circumvent the ruling.

“This,” said the lawyer for the county, ” is a blatant attempt by Khosla to abscond with public property.”

 

Let me be clear: Merkel is no Hitler

(UPI): The first wave of German Leopard tanks rolled into Warsaw on May 16th. Ninety-Four more will make their way into the country.

No, this isn’t Germany starting again, but a surplus sale brokered by the two countries.

UPI states, “Under an intergovernmental agreement signed last year, Poland is acquiring 105 Leopard 2A5 tanks from Germany Army, or Bundeswehr, stocks, as well as 14 2A4 variants, 18 armored recovery vehicles, 120 Mercedes and Unimog trucks, light off-road vehicles and other equipment.”

Warsaw is planning on upgrading a number of areas of the tanks; the Leopard tanks first went into production in 1971.

The deal has a value of more than $246 million.

Idiot thinks Doctor Seuss book should be banned from library.

A member of the library-using public of Toronto has filed a claim that the Dr. Seuss book Hop on Pop should be removed as it “encourages children to take a pop at dad”.

TheSpec.com reports that the imbecile-in-question’s complaint said further that the library should, “apologize to dads and ‘pay for damages resulting from the book.’”

Thespec continues that,

This is the same work of fiction that former U.S. First Lady Laura Bush, an ex-librarian, said was her favourite children’s book. She told The Wall Street Journal in 2006 she even had photos of her twins, Jenna and Barbara, jumping on the belly of their father, George W., when he read to them. No assault charges were laid against the girls.

The library took matters more serious than this commentator, and politely initiated the review process, saw that no such allegations or insinuations were present, and the book is still on the shelves.

Myself, I would’ve offered Seuss’ “Oh The Thinks you can Think”, after imaging what blunt-force object must have struck the original petitioner’s skull, to render them this incapable of rational thought.

Other idiots petitioned the library to remove:

  • The children’s book “Lizzy’s Den”, as it depicts a burglar being eaten by a child’s pet lion after a break-in
  • Adam Sandler’s movie “That’s My Boy”, as it shows an affair between a teacher and a 13-year-old child. (This particular petitioner-idiot only watched the first ten minutes, and didn’t finish the movie to see that they addressed this event as wrong.)
  • “Complete Hindi”, a reference book that the petitioner states is incorrect, as it pairs Urdu and Hindi languages (the jury is out on whether this person used their brain or not, so we’ll defer judgment).
  • “Killing Kennedy”, a book by Bill O’Reilly because some conspiracy theory nutbag said that Oswald couldn’t have murdered JFK alone.

The library reviewed each of the items, and kept all items petitioned in their circulation. Thank God.

Oregon News Agency goes “Not Sure if Proper…”

Oregon News Agency goes “Not Sure if Proper…”

Well. Whoever said that the words “Beaver” and “Twerk” couldn’t appear in the same news headline now owes someone money.

Also, when did “Twerking” possibly become code for “Female Frontal Mooning”?

Hashtag: Innuendos are fun

Hilton puts up sign “No self-proclaimed ‘well-endowed’ men allowed!”

Jason Payne, 35, booked a stay at Hilton Basingstoke (UK). As a laugh, he put in his reservation notes that, “There’s a large snake in my trousers. Hope that’s OK.”

Payne checks into the hotel, gets a loud laugh from the receptionist, a bit of good-natured ribbing, and all is well!

“Even the snake was well-behaved!” quoted Payne on a review website.

To his surprise, when he returned, the office manager had sent him an email saying Payne was banned for life from the property, and the hotel has not commented, except to say the incident took place.

Payne says that the staff members didn’t seem bothered by it at all.

North Carolina decides waste ponds with toxic chems shouldn’t sit near major waterways.

North Carolina decides waste ponds with toxic chems shouldn't sit near major waterways.

Regulators in North Carolina say that they may make Duke Energy move a set of leaky coal ash dumps from the immediate location to the Dan River after a massive spill. (Via Yahoo! News)

Now hun, loaded guns are perfectly sa…BOOM! (Headshot)

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions…

Well, when you’re shitfaced, anything seems like great intentions.

Dateline Independence Township, Michigan–an unnamed 36-year-old has his girlfriend over, decides to take the edge off with some booze, (after probably deciding that getting obliterated on alcohol and trying to seduce her isn’t working… or something just as stupid), pulls out his collection of firearms (well, only three) and decides a lesson in firearm safety is in order.

He carefully loaded each of the firearms, checked the safety, put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

Our compiler has a mild reenactment prepared.

 

“Seethear Honeyyyy…nothin t’be worried about… “

*CLICK*

Insert scream from girlfriend.

“N’now the Lugar!”

*CLICK*

Insert girlfriend whimper, “I don’t think this is a great…”

“NAHSENSE! And finally, the Glock! Nothin to worry abou..”

*BOOM*

The man was struck in the head with the bullet, and pronounced dead at the scene.

An autopsy will be performed to investigate the man’s death… cause y’know… getting your intoxicated head blown away isn’t concrete evidence enough.

Ironically enough, this isn’t the first time a similar situation has occurred, January 2013 saw a St. Petersburg, Florida man die after trying to demonstrate that guns were safe.